Chess Edinburgh lewischessmen2-75h 

Chandler Cornered

A Day in the Life of the Scottish Notice Board

Glynis Every time a new venue is selected for the Scottish Championships
the West claim it is too close to the East. The East claim it is too close to the West.
The North claim it is too far South and the South...
We never actually hear anything from the South.

Anyway to keep all points of the compass happy...
Next years Scottish Championship will held onboard a ship.

The Ship will sail from Edinburgh up the East coast, round the top of
Scotland and dock in Glasgow. A 10 day trip So it will be 10 rounds.

Duncan Grassie Great idea Glyn. Well done.

Richard Birkett So once again players from Inverness have to travel South.

Graeme Kafka Doh! players from Inverness will always have to travel South.
Unless we hold the Championship in Orkney.

Duncan Grassie This is causing an argument. This is a bad idea Glyn.

Alan Jelfs How come the ship sails from Leith?
Why can't the ship set sail from Glasgow?

Paul Roberts I see Alan's point. We could have two ships.
One sails from Glasgow at the same time as the Edinburgh ship sets off.
The players on the Edinburgh ship play 5 rounds together. The people on the Glasgow
ship play five rounds together. The ships dock at Orkney and both sides swap ships.
Then the final 5 rounds... I've not thought this out...

Geoff Chandler A ship. A ship. Yahoo! Hello Sailor.
What's the ship's name? The Titanic?
snort snort, giggle giggle, guffaw guffaw.

Jim Stevenson I like the idea. However I cannot play in the Scottish.
Any chance of the ship pulling over in Aberdeen so I can get on to see some games?

Glynis I don't know, you will have to ask Ken Stewart. He's the Captain.

Andrew Muir Why was I not picked as Captain?

Dr Bob I too think Andrew should be Captain.
He is higher graded than Ken, owns a white wooly polo neck jersey and gum boots.

George Neave Has anyone considered Eddie Dearing for Captain?

Jacob Aagard Look. This whole idea of having a national tournament onboard a ship
is just plain stupid. You might as well have it onboard an aeroplane.

Andrew Muir Will I be picked to be the pilot?

John Shaw Andrew should be considered for the role of pilot.
The current method of selecting pilots needs upgrading.

Steven Tweedie Why not do what the tribesmen of Outer Mongolia do when they wish
to choose a pilot. They stand in a circle and throw daggers at each other.
The last one left standing gets to be pilot.

Geoff Chandler and the rest get the point...gedditt?
snort snort, giggle giggle, guffaw guffaw.

George Neave Has anyone considered Eddie Dearing for Pilot?

Iain Gourlay Does Andrew actually have a pilots license?

Alan Tate I think it's grossly unfair that Andrew has been denied his pilots license.
I think the President of the SCA should... hang on I'm being interrupted...

Andrew Muir I want to be picked as President!

George Neave Has anyone considered Eddie Dearing for President?

Steve Hilton This is an outrage. Andrew has the right to be president of the SCA.
How is the President chosen, what criteria is used?

Ken Stewart The same method we used when picking the Turin Olympiad team.
20 names go into a hat and Dave Gillespie picked out the names.

Andrew Muir Why was I not picked to pick the names out of the hat?

Ken Stewart You can't. Yours is one of the names that goes into the hat.

George Neave Is Eddie Dearing's name in the hat?

Patrick Coffey This hat method is unfair. The player with the longest name
will have the longest piece of paper so his chances of getting picked are greater.

Andrew Muir Well how come...
Andrew Muir = 10 letters and Neil Berry = 9 letters.
Yet Neil gets to go to Turin and I don't.

George Neave Eddie Dearing has 12 letters.

Eddie Dearing Actually, Edward Dearing has 13 letters.

Geoff Chandler Geoffrey Chandler has 16 letters. Hey everybody I'm off to Turin.
snort snort, giggle giggle, guffaw guffaw.

Mikhail Ketevan Arakhamia-Grant has 22 letters, she should be in the team.

Andrew Muir You are counting the hyphen, hyphenated names should not be in the hat.

Michael MacDonald-Cooper Why not?

Jim Orr This number of letters in a name seems a trite unfair.

Andrew Muir No it is correct and fair.
I have 10 letters in my name , Neil can only muster 9, how come I was not picked?

Ken Stewart Oops, silly me. I wrote down your name down as Andy Muir which equals 8. Sorry.

Andrew Muir Oh.. Now it has been explained that is OK.

There followed a 10 minute pause with nobody posting anything.

Andrew Muir I want to be picked to write down the names that go into the hat.

Ken Stewart We are scraping the hat method.
In future everybody who has scored at least one point in a Scottish tournament
will have their name written on a ping-pong ball.
The balls will be cast into Loch Lomond and a trained seal will flick out
6 balls at random. This is how team selection will be done in the future.

Joe Redpath Loch lomond is on the West of Scotland.
Could we not have the balls flicked out of a more central loch.

Richard Birkett What is wrong with Loch Ness?

Glynis I like the idea of a cute little seal flicking the ping-pong balls out.
What is the seals name?

Andrew Muir We can call the bloody thing Poppywoppyfloppygoppyjalopy.
It then gets to go to the Turin Olympiad.

George Neave We don't need a seal, I'm sure Eddie Dearing can swim.

Geoff Chandler Hey! Has anyone noticed an anagram of TURIN is NUTIR geddit?? nutir...NUTTER..
snort snort, giggle giggle, guffaw guffaw.

Everyone AW shut up Chandler.



Neil Berry - Good Luck Mate



Andrew/Andy Muir - Cheer up mate


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